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Selfless Sex – Your Partner’s Pleasure

So far, we’ve scratched the surface on Selfless Sex by discussing how much pleasure the body can actually achieve. Just remember, Selfless Sex is about focusing on your partner so, in this article, I’d like to really get into that. Just to be safe, let’s define Selfless Sex as being “more concerned with the sexual needs and sexual desires of others than one’s own.” That’s it in a nutshell.

They miss you

While many men who are being treated for and/or have defeated Prostate Cancer (PC) may feel like their sex lives are over, please remember your lover (wife, husband, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend) misses you. They miss your touch. They miss your intimacy. You may even think your lover no longer desires you. I beg to differ. If they were by your side while you are/were going through the treatments and surgeries, there is a deep level of intimacy there. While you may not believe it, they still desire you. Try something for me, ok? Just reach out and touch them. Hold their hand or initiate a random hug and watch their reaction.

Pleasure them

Of course, I’m talking about pleasuring them sexually and it’s also important to remember to pleasure them mentally and emotionally. You lover has those needs too. It could be something as simple as talking to them about something they really like or debating a social issue. Plus, it’s nice to ask someone “How are you feeling?” and/or “I’m concerned about your feelings with everything that’s going on, are you ok?” Be prepared for an honest answer. With that said…

Pleasure them sexually too. Focus on their body. Ravage them, gently. While I, in good conscience cannot recommend swinging from the chandelier, kiss them all over. Massage their body. Nibble on their ears. Suck on his/her nipples. Explore. Help them orgasm and after, lie with them and tell them how you enjoyed their orgasm. Ask them if they want to cum again?

Odd for them

Here’s something you may not have thought about. It could be very odd for them to actually just lie back and receive pleasure. Initially, they may feel guilty and selfish for just being there, enjoying this pleasure, not expecting to reciprocate. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they were restless and kept trying to pleasure you. You’ll have to be the one to explain to them it’s ok and “just relax and enjoy this…this is all about you.”

You’ll feel better too

Finally, here’s one more thing you may have forgotten about. You may really like it. The act of pleasuring your lover is great. There probably was a time when making your lover orgasm boosted your ego and self-esteem. In the back of your mind, because of the PC and treatments, you thought sex was over and you’d never be able to have sex again or sexually satisfy your lover again, right? Well, as a doctor, I’m recommending you give it a try. The act of giving to someone you’re intimate with is like chicken soup for your soul.

So, as I bring this article to a close, I have to say again being selfless to someone sexually is a complete change for many men. Further, it’s even tougher for men to have sex where their penis is not involved. I can already hear a few guys saying, “Well, if I’m not using my penis, it’s not really sex, right?” Wrong…it still is sex, just different than you’re used to. Plus, I’d bet your lover will really like all of this new attention. They won’t be used to it either. It’s an adjustment for everyone.

Sex has many benefits far beyond the physical. Reigniting passion and intimacy with your lover could be some of the best medicine on the planet and you don’t even need a prescription either. Thank you.

Check out the other articles from the Selfless Sex Series:

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Dennis Golden moderator
    1 month ago

    Nick you really raise some great points in this article. As part of my mission to educate men about prostate cancer I volunteer at 2 local hospitals. In some cases I am meeting with men who just have questions about prostate cancer. At other times I am meeting with men who are about to undergo or who are considering active surveillance, surgery or radiation.

    The question of sexual performance comes up quite often along with the potential loss of an erection following surgery. The questions are not always from the men in these groups. We recently had a couple well into their 80’s who were very interested in ways to continue their activities.

    We have some men in our group who are quite successful with the results of Viagra. Some use injections while others have decided to do a penile implant if all other options failed

    As we meet with men our approach is to say things will be different following surgery and It will be up to both of you to find ways to support each other and rediscover those bonds that in many ways go far beyond sexual intimacy.

    That said if sex is an important part of your lives there are many solutions that can be explored following surgery.

    In my own case I had nerve sparing surgery and was able to achieve success with Viagra within weeks following surgery. Thanks again for the article and the many tips offered. … Dennis ( Team)

  • Bajk49
    3 months ago

    My wife misses me??? If she does she hasn’t said it. It’s been over 2 years and no I love yous, no hand holding, no kissing or hugging or anythjng!! I have discussed it with her, but she never follows through she will “try to do better.” Nothing happens!!!

  • Dennis Golden moderator
    1 month ago

    Things do change following surgery and any minor issues that existed prior to surgery can be magnified afterward. I have fellow who calls me from FL and is in a similar situation to your own.

    In his case they made a decision to explore some different options. He took some time ( 2 months) to rediscover himself at holistic healing center in California and she decided to remain at home and reflect on their new life and how it had evolved.

    He called me not long ago and indicated that the time spent alone + some self-discovery time helped them gain a new perspective and appreciation for each other. Don’t know if this approach is helpful – just passing it on. Hang in there and congrats on trying to keep the communication open between the 2 of you. … Dennis ( Team)

  • ninaw moderator
    2 months ago

    @Bajk49, unfortunately or fortunately, you’re not alone in dealing with what sounds like a pretty unsupportive partner. I’m tagging @kennymaudlin because he’s talked about this too. I think you can see his profile here too:

    I applaud you for trying to open the conversation with her, and I wish it were more effective.

    – Nina, Team

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