Can You Tell The Truth?

This question was asked to me and I really couldn’t come up with a right or wrong answer. I recently met a lady who found out her husband had prostate cancer by accident; she picked up his phone. They have been married for 30 years.

Is hiding the truth a lie?

Is hiding the truth a lie? I’m going to say yes, but this is just me. I believe that if I asked my husband is he okay at any given time, and he isn’t but he said yes; I consider that a lie. He has every opportunity to come clean. He’s stuck with me sick or not sick. I believe that when you love somebody, you share your sickness. I want to support that person on good days and bad ones.

If you are starting out a new life with someone, tell them up-front. If you’re sick before you get married, tell the truth.

What do you do with the truth?

What would be the next step after you have found out the truth? I would suggest talking about it openly and why you wanted to keep this news to yourself. My guess would be so that person could be spared any pain. My friend put another spin on it. If a person lied about one thing, they will lie about anything. I’m not sure about that.

The telephone call my friend got on her husbands’ phone was grim. He had been living with prostate cancer for 8 months and was at stage 4 and not looking good. She was devastated because she had no idea about this news. She had to wonder, "Did he do this out of love or just wanted to keep this from me?"

I went over this many time in my mind. As I sit by my bed, I asked why you would not confide in your spouse to let them know you are ill. Did you not want them to worry? Do they think it’s too much for that person to handle?

Working against time

What do you do now when there is no more time? You had 8 months you could have shared with your loved one. That special one wants to treasure those last months, days, minutes, and hours with you. I personally would feel robbed of that time. Mentally it would be very hard and the most challenging place to be, but you are there with the love of your life.

Concealing illness to protect loved ones

This is my opinion. It makes no sense to me to hide important health information from your love one. If you fall ill, your spouse may be the one making medical decisions on your behalf. Wouldn't you like for them to have all the right information upfront?

As I think about this for a minute, I can understand why some may want to hide their illness. Will others look at me differently or treat me a certain way? How will this affect me in the professional world? Will my wife not find me sexually attractive anymore?

I ask my father this question. Would he tell his spouse he had prostate cancer? He said yes; he would and he did. He has had prostate cancer for 15 years. He did add some wisdom to this question. If one of my grown children were having issues, he wouldn’t tell them so he could safeguard them from anxiety and he would keep it from a friend who already was dealing with a sick spouse; he wouldn’t want to add on more pain. He would not want to be a burden on others or have anyone take pity on him.

Everyone's story is different

At the end of the day, this is your choice. You know your spouse and how much they can handle. You already know how supportive they will be; don’t deprive yourself of that support. Try to stay strong and be honest with yourself. Honesty and trust are what’s best for a successful marriage.