Emotions of the Daughter: Then Versus Now

Just a few days before writing this article, I’m reminded that it was the anniversary of 11 years since my dad transitioned to his eternal resting place. His death still runs rent free in my mind, each detail up to his last breath still strikes vivid images in my mind.

This article isn’t intended to bring up memories and emotions from the struggle of losing my dad to prostate cancer. Instead, it is a segue about the emotional growth that I have made since his passing.

I had never seen my dad ill

Thanksgiving Eve of 2011 was like none I have ever had. Everything started off normal, me and my sister helping my mom in the kitchen prepare dinner for Thanksgiving. We were slated to travel to my mom’s side of the family the next morning in Alabama. My dad was taste testing everything that came out of the oven ... cakes, pies, dressing, and macaroni and cheese. We all were talking, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company as we have so many years before.

As the night went on, the menu was finished and we began settling in for the evening. Things took a turn for the worse. After showering and turning into bed for the night, my dad became unresponsive. He was moving as though he was having a seizure and was drenched in water. My emotions were all over the place. I had never seen my dad ill, nonetheless, in this type of state.

My emotions were all over the place

By the top of the next morning, after being rushed by ambulance to the hospital, my family learned that my dad had stage 4 prostate cancer. The biggest emotion I felt was terror because I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t know what to do to make it better.

My emotions were all over the place. I was only 24 at the time so I didn’t have friends that could help or relate to me. They were inexperienced in this area, just as much as I was. Anger, loneliness, sadness, and hurt all set in at the same time.

Continuing my dad's legacy

Now, 11 years later on the anniversary of my dad’s death, I’m reminded of the emotional growth and development that I have made. The bitterness went away. My anger went away, and the loneliness I felt from believing that my dad "left me" went away. I grew to learn that I had to go through what I went through with my dad in order to be a vessel to tell my story and help others.

I learned that my dad’s job down here on Earth was complete and it was my ultimate duty to continue his legacy. See, the belief in a higher power moved me to work in the position to help others. I have since written and published 2 books, participated in 5K runs that benefit prostate cancer awareness, signed hundreds of men up to be screened, and I have volunteered for multiple organizations that promote prostate awareness.

Moving through trauma

I miss my dad each and every day. However, I have learned that a person cannot sit year after year in their trauma. It is not healthy and can begin to seep into all areas of your life, whether it be in your career, friendships, or other relationships. You must find ways to cope, overcome, and empower others who may be going through the same things you have gone through.