A person setting out chairs, a man looking shocked with woman comforting him, and a man talking to woman holding hands

Community Views: The First Person You Told About Your Prostate Cancer

Last updated: May 2022

The moment a prostate cancer diagnosis is delivered is one nobody forgets. It is the kind of news that most people need to share as soon as possible, both to release their emotions and to start receiving support.

To find out more about who you turned to after receiving the news, we turned to the ProstateCancer.net Facebook page. We asked community members to tell us: “Who was the first person you told about your cancer diagnosis?”

Here is a look at some of the 75+ responses we received.

The first person nearby

For many people, the news is so big and overwhelming that they cannot keep it inside and need to share it right away. Some people said they shared the news with whomever they saw first or whoever asked first if they were okay. That person may not be able to offer much support, but sometimes quickly venting can help you begin to process the emotional shock.

“I was told on the phone as I was leaving running club. A clubmate saw my face and asked what was up. I told her before driving home in a flood of tears to tell my wife.”“I wish I could say my wife. However, I got the call at work and turned and told my co-worker.”“I was staying with a friend and his father, so I told the father when I came in. The bus and train ride home from the hospital were really quiet.”

You told your spouse

The most common answer was that people told their spouse as soon as possible. For many people, their partner was with them at the doctor’s office or by their side when they got the call. Their spouse was there from the very beginning and became a witness and source of support through the whole process.

“My wife was with me when the doctor told me.”“My wife, who was with me. The next day, I told my kids and parents after I regained my composure.”“I told my wife right after I ended the call with my urologist.”“My husband.”“My urologist called with my biopsy results, and after I composed myself, I told my wife.”

Kids after some time

Some people took some time to tell a spouse first and process the news before telling their children. A few people said they needed to cry and release a lot of emotion beforehand so they could be more calm and composed when telling their children.

“When I told my kids, I waited until I was calm and not afraid so they would feel the same.”“A few days later my kids.”“Wife and then my adult children.”

The whole family all at once

Several people shared that they decided to tell their whole family all at once. It can be stressful and emotionally challenging to deliver this news, so it makes sense that some men decided to explain it just once to their loved ones. Everyone has their own process and way of dealing with things, and there is no right way to share this news.

“My wife and all 3 of our children at the same time.”“I told my wife and daughter that evening.”“Wife and kids.”

Thank you to everyone who was willing to share their experiences for this story. We are grateful that this community is so active in supporting one another.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.

More on this topic

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The ProstateCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

Community Poll

What emotions have you experienced from your prostate cancer journey? (select all that apply)