Where Does the Time Go? 12+ Years After Losing My Dad to Prostate Cancer

It has been 12 years since my dad lost his battle to prostate cancer. Time has continued to move forward; however, his presence is increasingly missed. So much life has happened in those 12 years. A life that he has physically missed out on. He has missed promotions, the birth of his first granddaughter, championship games, and not to mention family reunions and special holidays.

I literally had to count the number of years he’s been gone in order to write this article. After a few years go by, you tend to lose count. At times I feel like I am still stuck in 2012 with him being here in the flesh. The memories are as vivid as the day they happened.

A new normal after my dad's passing

The past 12 years have also given me the opportunity to witness the evolution of medicine from the time that my dad was initially diagnosed with prostate cancer to how it is now. More treatment options that are less invasive have become available. With early detection, men can recover from a prostate cancer diagnosis.

Months and years after my dad’s passing, life settled into a new normal. I was back at work, my family went back to work, and the daily phone calls from other friends and family grew fewer and fewer, almost as if my dad’s death should be long in the wind. Deep down I knew that as a former caregiver to my dad, life would not ever be the same.

Honoring his memory through remembrance and advocacy

Years after the battle was over, I knew I had to keep his legacy alive while also rendering comfort and solace to others that may be in the beginning stages or middle stages of their prostate cancer journey.

I found that memorializing my dad helped. I chose to keep my dad’s memory alive by taking my one-year-old daughter to visit his gravesite. As a family, we continue to celebrate Father’s Day and his birthday as though he were still here. We refer to photo albums and laugh about the good old times.

The second thing that helped me after all these years is advocacy. It was important for me to get my story shared with as many people as possible, just so they wouldn’t have to go through what my family and others have gone through. I chose to put my story into two self-published books. I chose to connect with support groups, hospitals, as well as the ProstateCancer.net community.

Allowing space for grief

All in all, it is necessary to grieve and allow yourself that grace to grieve. It is always difficult to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you have never gone through what they have gone through. Supporters usually do not intend to “leave you hanging,” but as time passes on, their lives were temporarily interrupted, whereas yours has been permanently changed forever because you lost a loved one.

After you are able to process your grief, I think it's important to find sources of comfort that will allow you to continue to live your life without sulking for days, months, and even years after a traumatizing time in your life. Get back to those activities that made you smile, take that trip that you have wanted to take, and keep the memory of your loved one alive.