How Cancer Changed My Husband - the Good and the Bad

There are many times in life when we celebrate or mourn some of the events from our past. We have days of great joy and days of great sadness.

Many cancer patients, as well as patients of other chronic diseases, have their own “memorial day” of sorts but it’s a different kind of remembrance. I know my husband often recalls who he was before prostate cancer and treatment and who he thinks he is now. I think his journey of change may be a journey common to anyone with a serious disease.

The differences now

Diagnosis is just the beginning. Just hearing that you have cancer can create a mindset of worry, anger, fear, frustration, and confusion. Learning about what to expect through treatment and thereafter can feed the worry and stress with concerns that didn’t exist before cancer. It can impact relationships, family, jobs, beliefs, and even create health issues separate from the cancer.

As a result of his prostate cancer and treatment, my husband has been through a lot, and we know he will never be the same. The fatigue never completely left, general pain continues, some days worse than others. He has a definite physical weakness that didn’t exist in his pre-cancer past. Years of treatment have caused a difference in his emotional state and ability to concentrate or plan. Unpredictable mood swings still exist along with illnesses that occur more frequently because of a weaker immunity.

Accepting the changes

As he went through cancer treatment, it was hard for either one of us to find a silver lining anywhere. We both struggled with seeing the future, especially one that was filled with hope and a positive future. Yet here he is, sixteen years after a stage 4 prostate cancer diagnosis, living a life of hope and gratitude, and health to a different degree.

Yes, the joint pain is still there. But he has learned to work around it, take medication when needed, exercise some of the pain away, and try to ignore it as best as possible. It has not stopped him from doing many of the things he enjoys, while at the same time knowing that he will probably pay the physical price for it the next day. It’s a choice.

Some of the emotional scarring is still there, but he has learned to focus more on gratitude and prayer to help him with the emotional swings. His thinking and processing abilities may not be the same (but for those of us who are older, those changes happen anyway). But he has accepted that some things that used to be simple now take a bigger mental commitment and more time. Physical limitations still exist, but we have both learned to work on tasks together that he used to do alone. We know when we need to ask for help and are not ashamed to do so.

Moving forward

I write this in the hope that it will help someone, so they see there can be good after cancer. Certainly, there is a contrast between before cancer and now. There’s no doubt that it’s often a challenge to find the good, to push harder than we used to have to push. But continuing to live the life we want, albeit with newer restrictions, is the reward.

Yes, there are still negative and hard days, and there always will be. I think it helps to recognize that, too. But it also helps to recognize that there’s a lot of good in life going forward. Often, it’s a choice on how you want to move forward.