A man is surrounded by dark clouds and a speech bubble covering his face.

Why Don’t You Man Up?

Last updated: November 2021

"Why don't you man up?"

I have said these words to my sons many times. They are now 43 and 45. This made me think: how many women say this to their husbands or significant other? I will abandon this phrase from my vocabulary. This is a personal decision that I have made on my own.

Recognizing prostate cancer's toll

One thing I noticed was how hard we are on our men. I recently met someone who lost her husband to Stage IV metastatic prostate cancer. They had been happily married for over 30 years. She found out on his dying bed how bad things were.

I hope women realize how hard this disease can be. Can you imagine just waking up one day, and everything you know about intimate relationships changes in a heartbeat? Just hearing those words – "you have Stage IV metastatic prostate cancer" – must be devastating. I have talked to many men over the past few years about prostate cancer. Having to tell their significant other is the toughest part of this journey.

Not putting on added pressure

Ladies, ladies, ladies. What do these words really mean to us, for better or for worse? There is a reason we say in sickness and in health. It is important to talk about what loving someone is truly all about. We say these vows for a reason.

I’m trying to write the proper words here not to offend anyone. The one thing I read about daily is intimacy from women. We don’t need to put this added pressure on our husbands. If this is important to you, it's your choice. I’m not saying anything is wrong with that.

If I had to be a caregiver to someone, I’m not sure sex would be on my mind. I always feel that if I was sick, my husband and I would work together. These are my opinions. We can take short walks together. How about holding hands, talking, touching, and kissing?

Suffering in silence

Getting this diagnosis is very hard for any man, and it’s going to take time for him to absorb this. As a wife, it will take time for us to absorb it, too. This disease impacts both people’s lives. Let’s concentrate on getting the best treatment out there and keeping our men healthy.

How many men don’t show their feelings? We as mothers have told them to be strong men; stop whining and crying all the time. They suffer in silence. For many men, I think the idea of being able to procreate is the driving and dominant force in their lives.

It's okay to ask for help

Ladies, we want our men to come to us and tell us anything and ask for help. They are not alone. I want our husbands, fathers, uncles, nephews, sons, and grandfathers to know it’s okay to cry and come to us. We don’t want them to feel alone.

Let’s get rid of the stigma that men shouldn’t talk about their feelings; they really need to. Ladies, I do encourage us to drag them in for yearly check-ups. Early detection is key. Men, we want to give you a space to connect with other men going through similar experiences. Together you can get through this.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.


This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The ProstateCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

Community Poll

What influences your decisions when choosing a physician? (Select all that apply)