Prostate Cancer Impacts Spouses As Well

By Dennis E. Golden

1 min read

An often overlooked topic is the impact a prostate cancer diagnosis has not only on the patient but also the impact it has on your spouse. And while it is understandable that patients have a hard time on many levels, a significant amount of spillover occurs when it comes to your spouse.

While they are trying to support you, they are also concerned with the possibility of disease progression, their own feelings of social isolation, and a developing fear that they may be facing a future with no partner. In this video Dennis highlights the need for both patients and medical teams to be aware of the needs of partners following a prostate cancer diagnosis.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The ProstateCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Jim Early Moderator & Contributor
Thanks Dennis for bringing up this side of the cancer journey. As the facilitator of a support group of gay men I hear a lot about the effects of the disease on partners and spouses. The one additional issue that our group faces is the subtle or not so subtle ability to talk with healthcare providers about the relationship changes that are happening in their lives. Gay men in general find that their sexual identity plays an important role in helping them define themselves. For those of us that are old, many of us spent years trying to come to grips with our feelings and our right to have those sexual feelings. I have even heard men express the feeling that this disease is a punishment for their sexual identity. When these feeling become too strong they are often poison to relationships. What I sense is that the greater the isolation we feel whether gay or straight; the more unhealthy and stressful it is for our partners. Again, this is where support in the form of groups or online chat can be an enormous help. Just as groups/chatrooms can help us gain knowledge and learn how to communicate with our healthcare providers; the groups/chatrooms can also help us learn how to share our feelings with our partners/wives/husbands. The more we are able to open ourselves to others the more our partners can open themselves to us. We only have one life and it is too short and too precious to live in isolation!
1. Dennis E. Golden Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Jim Early" user-id="4566171"/> I met a new love in my life following my wife' s passing last year and decided it was best to up front about my ability to preform - Much to my surprise It did not make a difference as by then the attraction between she and i went deeper and far beyond just the need for intercourse . Sometimes in life folks can surprise you if you are open and honest . Dennis( <a href='http://ProstateCancer.net' target='_blank'>ProstateCancer.net</a> TEAM)
Sue Franke Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Dennis Golden" user-id="3259730"/> Hi Dennis. As I watched your video I certainly understand the things you mentioned that impact a spouse when her husband is diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer. The anxiety of not knowing what to do to help, the feeling of being unequipped to manage all the medical needs that arise, the fear of losing the person you love are all valid experiences of the wife. I've been there. And as you said, the doctors and nurses focus on the patient, not what the spouse is going through. But I understand that. When my husband went through his surgeries and treatments, I relied on the medical community to treat him and give him the full attention he needed and deserved. I relied on my family, friends and church to help me through. In addition to focusing on Dan's cancer, the knew what I was going through and were there 100+% for me. The wife needs her support system, too, wherever that comes from. Any cancer is a family disease and all are impacted. 
1. Dennis E. Golden Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Sue Franke" user-id="4506969"/> Yes ... Prostate Cancer is a family disease - And being there 100% for your partner goes a long way for patient and partner alike . Dennis(ProstateCancer.net TEAM)
Eric C. Member
When I was diagnosed with a Gleason 9 in July of 2020 (on my 60th birthday) it was the beginning of a rollercoaster ride for both me and my wife. She was, and is, and great help and support for me. This was hard for both of us, as during COVID she couldn't be with me at any of my appointments except when the treatment or procedure was so hard on me that I couldn't get back to the car without her help (she'd then have to come into the hospital from the car to find me). I kind of expected her (and I) to have these emotional ups and downs, but after 2 years of treatment (ADT and radiation) I was able to say I was NED (no evidence of disease) ... I was overjoyed at that, but my wife was so overwhelmed (and happy) by this that she couldn't even tell anyone and instead had me tell the family. Very "interesting" ride... I'm hoping to stay NED for a long time to come.
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="Eric C." user-id="3258335"/> Thank you for sharing your story. What a difference such support can make. Right there with you hoping you remain NED for a long time. Wishing both you and your wife the best. Richard (ProstateCancer.net Team)
2. Dennis E. Golden Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Eric C." user-id="3258335"/> Like you a Gleason 9 here --- OK now and also NED - fingers crossed for both of us. And yes this has been and continues to be an interesting ride ......Dennis (ProstateCancer.net TEAM)
Dan Franke Moderator & Contributor
Dennis. Your a spot on. The caregiver has a very tough job. My wife Sue has gone threw hell and back with me over the last fifteen years. I never really fully understood her spot in this journey until this year when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and our roles where reversed. Personally I think its easier to be the patient. The frustrating part of caregiver for me was the sense of helplessness about what you could actually do for your loved ones treatment path. Other than being there for them. Dan Franke, moderator, <a href='http://prostatecancer.net' target='_blank'>prostatecancer.net</a>.

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