Understanding and Speaking Up About Prostate Cancer
When it comes to communicating and sharing personal information to gain the support of friends or family, I think women beat men by a mile. I think men typically find it easier to speak up for others rather than for themselves.
In sharp contrast, I feel like women speak to and, more importantly, listen to each other more than men; they may be less afraid to share personal health information. For some reason, some men prefer silence vs. reaching out when faced with a medical challenge, especially if a prostate cancer diagnosis is lurking about.
Fear showing vulnerability
There appears to be a profound sense of what I call “dis-ease” or discomfort when it comes to speaking about or, heaven forbid, asking questions about the “disease.” Sadly, when men choose not to speak up for themselves, we can easily and quickly erode our feelings of self-worth.
If a person is facing a prostate cancer diagnosis and chooses to be the macho or the silent type, they may continue to take themselves further away from the emotional support that is so helpful when facing any medical challenge. The deep uncomfortable feeling some men experience centers on the mental distress of trying to balance feelings and values, while not wanting to appear weak in front of others.
When I taught communications at several universities, I realized that a student’s fear of speaking was all about not being accepted by their peers. The same is true with a prostate cancer diagnosis. Men fear if they ask questions or show they are vulnerable, they may be ridiculed for not being informed or, worse, not fit in with other men.
This or That
Do you feel confident speaking up about prostate cancer?
Paying attention to what my body's saying
The best solution for me was to ask out loud what I am afraid of, or better yet, what I am avoiding. Slowly I learned to pay attention to those emotional and physical nudges that are so easy to ignore. We all have those voices in our head, and over time I found that listening to those silent voices made a difference. I discovered that when physical things happened, like getting a sudden lump in my throat, my body was telling me to speak up.
Once I began to recognize my subtle emotional hints and triggers, I realized something else: it was easier to pick up on the fact that I was “over-explaining” at times. As a result of growing up in New York City, I inherited the regional curse of speaking too rapidly. If I wanted to communicate my concerns more effectively, my built-in communication roadblocks (information overload and speaking rapidly) needed to be recognized and corrected.
I also realized that most folks, including those highly-trained professional doctors, have a short attention span. While they were hearing my words, often they were not listening to what I was saying.
Learning how to speak about my cancer
Learning how to speak up about my prostate cancer was not magic. It was a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other process. I started with a written list of questions. I then wrote down my fears; after seeing them on paper, I realized they were unfounded. The more I opened and trusted myself, the easier it became to speak more freely with my doctors and those I loved.
Join the conversation