Community Views: What to Say to Someone Diagnosed with Prostate Cancer

When friends, family members, and coworkers find out that you have prostate cancer, they most likely do not know what to say. Too often, people say nothing because they fear saying the wrong thing. But silence and avoidance are not helpful, and they can be hurtful.

To learn more about what is helpful to hear from others, we reached out to the ProstateCancer.net community on Facebook. We asked, “What should you say to someone diagnosed with prostate cancer?”

More than 100 community members responded. Here are the helpful responses they shared.

Offer to help or check in

The number 1 answer that community members gave was the vocalization of support and, if it feels right for the other person, an offer to help. If you are the person offering help, only offer what you can realistically do. Even asking how someone is doing via texts or phone calls every so often is a supportive way to let someone with prostate cancer know they are not alone.

“How can I help?”

“I am here to support you in any way I can. I will never have it, so I need you to tell me what you need.”

Empathize and show support

Responding with empathy, showing that you know this is a difficult thing, is a helpful response. It is kind to hold space for someone and let them know you are there for them emotionally.

“That sucks. Can I check in with you from time to time?”

“I am here for you.”

Do not minimize

Repeatedly, community members shared that they do not find it helpful when people tell them they are lucky because it is “just” prostate cancer. Nobody is happy to have any kind of cancer. Cancer can bring a lot of fear and uncertainty, and the more sensitive you can be to that, the better.

“'It is just prostate cancer’ has been said to me too many times.”

Do not be silent

For some people, talking about cancer is uncomfortable. But it is not supportive to say nothing or avoid someone once you discover they have cancer. Instead, try honesty. Even saying, “I do not know what to say” is kinder than saying nothing. Or try asking a question, such as “What would be helpful right now?”

Most people simply want to be seen and acknowledged, especially when they are facing a tough situation like prostate cancer.

“I found most people avoided talking about it, or me altogether. Do not do that! We need to know you care and that it is OK to talk about it.”

Share that you relate

Everyone needs community, especially when times get tough. Several community members stated they would want to know who else has faced or is facing prostate cancer. There is relief, hope, and understanding that only another prostate cancer warrior can provide.

“I have got that too! Do you want to talk about it?”

Listen

Many community members shared that what they would find most helpful is to have someone listen. Too often, people are too uncomfortable to really hear anything about cancer. Most folks are hoping you will say you are fine so they can move on.

But most people do not feel “fine” about facing prostate cancer. It is a great show of support to ask them how they are really doing. Ask how they are feeling. Let them vent and express their fears. To not feel alone is such a helpful thing for most people battling cancer.

“Let them talk while you listen.”

“You should say nothing and give them a good, long listen.”

Thank you

We are so grateful for this community. We appreciate all the honest responses to our prompt, and we hope your message gets across to those who need to hear it. Thank you!