cured, maybe...

By gv73

1 min read

Diagnosed with prostate cancer and mamanging grief

What a mess to be in. My wife was with me, in the same room during the biopsy. Two weeks later, she dies accidentally. Two more weeks and I begin 40 radiation treatments. 3 years have passed and I am for all intents and purposes alone. No viable companionship. My daughters are reasonably close by, but I miss my wife. Nothing takes her place. Treatment and drugs wreck everything about being a man.

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Pete R Member
Hi gv73. I was diagnosed 2 years ago last month (10/2022) and divorced a year earlier. I had no one with me during the diagnostic nor treatment processes. It was so hard, but I got through it and now I am able to think about the strength it took to get through it while being alone. Maybe some day you too will be able to recognize the strength it took to get you through the process.
CommunityMember257 Member
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roninps Member
Sad to hear about the void in your life, but I immediately felt empathy because I am also forced to struggle with my emotions all alone. I've never been married - always enjoyed my independence and have been reasonably healthy most of my life. Nevertheless, having an independent nature doesn't alleviate the need for wanting someone to talk to or lean on after given a serious diagnosis. Finding empathy when in a personal crisis is a universal challenge and not necessarily wanted or needed only from a spouse or other family member. My present challenges include the lack of access to healthcare and having to be my own advocate because I also have no one to rely on, including people within the healthcare "system". I'm 74 years old and feeling dispensable due to my age, and I'd actually been told I'd probably die due to an age-related disease other than prostate cancer. I guess that was supposed to alleviate my anxiety or maybe help me enjoy what I have each day that I wake up. But even if I did have a family member to rely on, I'm learning, partially through this site, that a cancer diagnosis is an extremely personal matter and a family member couldn't possibly "feel" the same level of anxiety and anger that I do - they could only listen, cry with me, or drive me to appointments, assuming I could even get one. Technically I haven't been diagnosed with cancer because I still haven't had a biopsy, but I'd been told twice (starting last April) that I have 2 tumors in my prostate, I have a very high PSA score and incrementally getting higher each month.......I'm capable of putting 2 and 2 together. If I'm wrong, then the healthcare system and making me wait for months while struggling to get a biopsy scheduled is putting me though anxiety and emotional hell. Voids exist in many forms, always pop up unexpectedly so preparation isn't an option, and I've realized that ultimately, I have to find personal strength to get the care that's supposed to be available to me. The strength is there somewhere - I just need to find it and then access it. I'm a war veteran - I found inner strength and a fighting spirit to get through some tough times when I was 20, so I have to assume it's just hiding under the wrinkles. 😀 I'm told to practice patience. Patience doesn't fix broken links in systems or lack of an empathetic partner. But what I'm learning is that when I come across a sinkhole in my path, I need to find a different path. Falling into the sinkhole is not an option for me, and loneliness is a sinkhole. Peace to us all, and finding the strength within ourselves to get past our struggles.