They Said to Go Home

At one point during a lengthy virtual chat with our daughter, I casually mentioned that 2022 would mark 10 years since I was first treated for an aggressive but contained prostate cancer. And while hypersensitive post-surgery PSA testing indicated a returning cancer several years later, follow-up treatment with 8 weeks of radiation with hormone therapy appears to have worked. So far all is good and the cancer in remission.

My daughter is also a cancer survivor and has been dealing with a rare form of skin cancer known as LYP. As two survivors often find, we can communicate about the many stress levels of cancer many others do not understand.

An unexpected diagnosis

The reason for the particular call in July of 2020 was that I received a new and unexpected diagnosis of Stage II non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. This was somewhat of a surprise, as genomic testing done for PCa had suggested I most likely was not carrying any of the 30+ genetic cancer genes. Where did this come from?

By way of background, I am only the second one in my family to be diagnosed with cancer. My father who passed at age 58 was a heavy smoker, and it was not a surprise when he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Was smoking responsible for his cancer? Was my bout with NHL due to exposure to smoking or chemicals or earlier cancer treatments? We will never know.

Few understand

Following my father’s diagnosis, he would often say that no one in the family could really understand what he was facing. Strangely it was not the disease that troubled him as much as it was the uncertainty of trying to fit back into a familiar world that was now very strange, and unfamiliar. Now having faced cancer personally, I finally understand what I could not some 50 years ago

Life often takes odd twists and turns. Just before our call, my daughter had been speaking with her neighbor who disclosed that she, too, was a cancer survivor and had experienced many of the same “fish out of water” feelings my daughter had after cancer treatment.

A powerful poem

About an hour later, the neighbor forwarded a poem to her. And while it is too long to post here, it just might be eye-opening to read it. The piece speaks volumes to anyone who has been touched by cancer. It is called "They Said to Go Home."

In a few words the poem explores the many twists and turns a cancer patient faces once you are set free to go home. The author describes how you return to a world that in many ways is familiar and at the same time it is quite different. The house can look the same, but somehow deep down inside of you there is a difference.

It doesn't stop there. You also discover your relationships with other people have changed. People you thought were friends perhaps now see you in a new way, and people you hardly ever knew suddenly develop a new and closer connection with you.

A new reality

I always found it interesting that men who would never speak about prostate cancer prior to a cancer diagnosis are now some of our outspoken advocates. My daughter, who is a LYP survivor, has discovered a whole new group of people whom she would have never known thanks to lymphoma.

While hospitals and doctors tell us it's OK to go home, in truth we all need to find a new reality. If you find yourself in a familiar but strange world, do find the time to read that poem.