Focus on the Positives

A friend who I respect and also has stage 4 prostate cancer challenged me regarding my article about living a very different life with this stage cancer, saying that he thought I’d been too negative. I thought the article was quite realistic and closed with a message of hope.

However, I thought I’d write an article about the positive impact that my stage 4 diagnosis in May 2017 has had.

I feel I’m making a real difference

From a personal perspective I think I’m a better man since my diagnosis. I have more understanding of the plight of others, am more respectful, and definitely more humble.

I’ve made it my life work to help others by spreading awareness and, where I can, giving people hope – but without giving them false hope. I literally spend a day or two each week on my patient advocacy work, and it’s taken me to some amazing places as my reputation as a speaker has grown.

I’ve fought for better availability of drugs/treatments, the end of the post code lottery, and better holistic care for all. I’ve been a massive advocate for the value of exercise for those living with and beyond cancer, as I’ve seen the benefits personally. I feel that I’m making a real difference as both an advocate and a campaigner, and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do that without the positive changes I made in my life.

Most importantly, my advocacy work has led me to meet some amazing people, including research scientists and leading oncologists from all around the world. I've been able to build some fantastic relationships where we can help each other, while also helping the next generations of men that follow.

I'm spending more time with family

My personal life changed beyond recognition. When I was diagnosed, I had a 3-year-old grandson. I didn’t expect to see him become a teenager, but he’s nearly 12 now and I think I’ve got a great chance. Spending time with him became more important than every other aspect of life. I reduced my working hours so that I could pick him up from nursery and then school. I ultimately sold my business interests so I could dedicate more time to him and the three new grandchildren that have since come into my life.

Removing the stress of working in the accountancy practice that I co-owned was a massive benefit. My wife often said that the stress of the practice would kill me before the cancer, and I’m sure she was right. Now, I appreciate that I was very lucky to be in a position to do that financially and others aren’t as blessed, but it definitely helped me to retake control of my life.

I also feel incredibly blessed to still be alive nearly 8 years post-diagnosis, having been given a worst-case prognosis of 2-3 years. I’m riding the wave and trying very hard not to fall off it. Many men haven’t been as lucky, and I count my blessings every day. Maybe I’ve been given this longevity just so I can use the time to make a difference for others. I never thought I’d get to walk my daughter down the aisle, but my longevity meant that I did and it was the most wonderful day.

Doing things I never dreamed possible

I’ve been inspired to do things that I never dreamed possible with a stage 4 diagnosis, including running the London Marathon, running (sort of) a 100km ultra marathon and, in 2022, running at least 5km every day for 365 days. Those feats have enabled me to raise nearly £100,000 for various charities of which I’m incredibly proud.

Most importantly I’ve done literally hundreds of awareness talks reaching tens of thousands of people. I know, that by doing so, I’ve saved men’s lives by encouraging them to think about getting tested.

What an amazing epitaph that will be when I finally reach the end of the road: “he saved a few lives along the way.”

In closing, the founder of the Maggie’s cancer support centers here in the UK said: “we should never lose the joy of living through the fear of dying.” Well, I got to realizing that eventually, but it was an interesting road to travel. Never lose hope, never lose the joy of living, and try to help others.