Re-establishing Sex Life after Prostatectomy

Prostate cancer treatment and effects on marraige

I had a robotic prostatectomy in 2011 and here is our very positive take on it, of course, luck had a lot to do with it. During my recovery, I had to deal with a catheter for 5 weeks, incontinence, and ED.

We have been married for 57 years, 45 years when diagnosed. Sex has always been a very important part of our life. Here is our brief story of how I survived cancer and how we re-establish our sex life. I hope our story will encourage men and their wives/partners to realize that you don't have to give up your intimate relationship.

Sex life after prostatectomy

Sitting in the consulting room, the initial impact of the diagnosis was sheer fear of the big C, life suddenly ending, mixed with the anguish of thinking, death or no more sex? And then the notion that I would feel ‘less of a man’ perhaps. If I survived, would we fall apart without our sex life? Was this just another step down the path of aging that we all face? Is there no way back from this point? When the consultant urologist warned us about the possibility of incontinence and/or ED our reaction was that all we wanted was for me to survive. He said, 'That's what everyone says but after the surgery you’ll feel differently'.

When I had the surgery 12 years ago we had been married for 45 years and had a passionate sex life. When I realized that I had a good chance of survival our thoughts turned to our intimate life. At the time it was a tough call because after recovery I was 99.9% continent (leaking urine only when sexually excited) and my erections were not viable really. We were determined to re-establish our sex life and through mutual love, matched libido, communication, imagination, and a dose of humor, we began to establish a new normal. I realized I could orgasm without erection either by masturbating or mutual stimulation. We decided to choose the VED approach, worked out how to incorporate this technique into our lovemaking, and the vibrator we had introduced some years previously, took a central place in our lovemaking. Our desire to please each other, the pump, the vibrator, and our imagination has given our intimate life a new lease. Whilst my orgasms are different – sometimes mind-blowing, sometimes not much, and occasionally not there – my wife’s orgasms have reached new heights because when I use the pump and put the ring on we are half an hour of mutual delight. Often my wife will orgasm and I don’t so she will help me to masturbate with a vibrator for a solo orgasm which is equally pleasurable.