It Started with a Routine Physical: Part-Three

Please note: This story is published as a three-part series. The author is @patrick-boland, a ProstateCancer.net community member.

So I spent a few months carving out a decent set of rooms for Mom and moved her in Labor Day 2009. She was 71 at the time. In January of 2010, she was diagnosed with a cancerous mass in her abdomen, growing through her intestines. She suffered through a course of chemotherapy, which did in fact destroy her tumor. But she was beset by many problems after, kidneys, a broken hip; she died in her room one night in May 2017. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to do for Mom the last portion of her life, I’ll feel less guilty, I’ve not always been such a great son.

Making excuses, finding comfort in bad habits, life changes

But again, I digress, and I’m getting ahead of myself... I’m making excuses for the fact that I did not stick with my bastardized macrobiotic plan. Here they are. I was great guns the first 9 months, up until the time that my lawyer informed me that I would be required to continue living in the house with the drunk, even after serving her with divorce papers. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I went back to drinking, not near as much as I used to, but enough to keep the soon to be ex-wife quiet. Then came the move, the attempts to make my new shack habitable, caring for Mom.

My employer of 16 years announced one day he was selling the business and closing up. There was a lot of stress, a new job, back to working straight commission. People may snigger a bit when I tell them that being an auto mechanic is a high-stress job, but it really is. You are paid only for billable hours produced, not by the clock. So that automatic transmission, broken, under warranty, has a set time to overhaul it, let’s say 10 hours. No matter how long you spend diagnosing it, no matter if the bolts don’t come out right, no matter if the wrong parts come and you are stuck with a dismantled car on your lift, you will not be paid more than the 10 hours when the job is completed. Conversely, a set of brakes pay 1.5 hours and can be completed much quicker. So some weeks you may go home with 40 hours of pay, some weeks 50, some weeks 25. If no work comes through the door, hours. A misdiagnosis, a mistake, even a new, unforeseen problem, you’ll be working on that car without pay.

More excuses

So I backslid, slowly, regressing into my old habits. I was without health care coverage since 2010. I didn’t go to doctors for anything. I tried to hold fast, but the pace of modern life, the care, and feeding of my mother, stress, all took their toll on my resolve. I met a wonderful woman, now my wife, and moved her in with Mom and me. She loves baking, and Mom loved baked goods. It was hard to get Mom to eat much anyway, but if we left a platter of cookies, a pie or cake on the table, I’d know she’d be getting something. I lacked the discipline to pass by treats.

Excuses, excuses, everybody has them and they all stink. Mom passed May 2017. By June of 2018, the pain in my joints gave me cause to consider what I was doing. It is time to stop abusing my body. I hired a lawyer and opened a Workers Comp case, my contention being that 41 years of pounding the concrete, twisting, lifting, bending, crawling had worn me out and I was no longer fit for work. As of this writing, it has been denied. I’ll turn 62 in less than a year so I’ll be due my pittance from Social Security. But the time felt right. I’ve put myself out of excuses. Mom is gone, can’t use her anymore. Job stress is gone, replaced by the stress of having no money. 0 income household. But I’ve enough put by to last until then, and I’m letting go of the rest. What happens will happen. For now, I’m devoting myself to my health.

Time to focus on my health, back to clean eating

So what am I doing you ask? As of the beginning of November ’18, I have cleaned up the diet. No meat, poultry, fish, dairy, sugar, alcohol. I managed to withstand the deluge of Christmas cookies, and have in the last 3 weeks given up coffee. Little by little I’m ratcheting up my discipline. I bought some yoga DVD’s and attempted that, but had to give it up for the pain. I’m feeling a bit better and ready to give that another try. We’re eating entirely vegan, emphasis on grains; brown rice, barley, quinoa, steel-cut oats, bulgur wheat, buckwheat groats, whole wheat pasta. Grain meals include vegetables; carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, onions, garlic, celery, cauliflower, leeks, collard greens, kale, spinach. I’ll use nightshades in moderation, potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, peppers. Bean dishes, or beans mixed with grains. Cheat items include peanut butter (natural no sugar), dates, apples, nuts. I need to get more sea products and fermented products into the mix.

I’ve always been a pretty accomplished cook, and have always loved cooking for the family. These days I’ve become aware of how calming it feels to stand in front of my cutting board, peeling garlic, and prepping vegetables. Mystical almost. I love having the time to pursue this way of eating. It is a lot of work hand preparing every meal.

It will be on my terms

I’ll leave it here, unfinished, unknown. I’m going to start revisiting doctors, PSA hasn’t been checked in over a year. I think I am done with this house, it’s too big, and I crave the country, like high on a hill, surrounded by trees, far away from everyone. The bottom line, I am still counting on the body to heal itself. The predicted explosion of the prostate, and spread of cancer, has not happened, yet. But I’m confident that I will not die of cancer. And if I do, it will be on my terms.