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Dark depression on Lupron

I have stage 4 prostate cancer that has spread to my bladder. After starting lupron, the depression that I learned to manage is back with a vengeance. I cry all the time, which I know is a side effect of the medicine but this goes much deeper. I barely survived my last depressive state, if you know what I mean. And I do mean barely. The dark thoughts are back again and I'm really scared. I know I need the medication but at what cost if either way I may not make it out of this alive.

Nobody told me I'd experience this overwhelming sadness, nobody told me I'd not be able to feel like a normal man again or that I'd lose literal length down there. But all that aside i don't know what to do. It's 2am and I'm choking down my tears in the dark trying not to wake my family. I'm doing everything I learned years ago to manage the thoughts but it's so hard with this manufactured sadness that comes from an injection. It's not even real! How am I supposed to manage something that's not even real? Im sorry to put this out there but I can't tell anyone. Any suggestions would really be appreciated. J.

  1. I was also on Lupron and have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. What helped me was 1) Getting out of the house and getting a dose of fresh air several times a day while waking ... 2) I also focused on the smallest positive things in my life vs the negative and would write them down at the end of the day. Somehow putting it on paper helps ... 3) I made it a point to meet with friends more often and I since I was married at the time I made it a point to be more caring with my wife ( vs a focus on sexual performance) ...


    I would speak to your MD and ask if there are any solutions to what you are facing - a possible change in meds? - meeting with a psychologist? etc. For me the key was to engage in other activities and as much as possible avoid emotional situations. Exercise helped me a lot - Hope some of this helps you - There is no shame in asking for help in fact building a team to solve a problem is what leaders do . Dennis(ProstateCancer.net TEAM)

    1. Hi . Just want to check in and see how you are doing today. It is good that you are planning to speak with your doctor on the next visit. I also want to stress to you that, if necessary, you should not wait to seek help. You have done the hard work of identifying and acknowledging the symptoms of depression and you know that it is not your fault. You did not mention if you have been on any medication to counter/control the depression. The depression is brought on by a treatment, so if something can help mitigate this side effect it is important to see if a doctor thinks it might help. We have contributors here who have had good success with medications to control the depression. I know you may be familiar with some of this information, but I also want to share a couple of articles from our editorial team on depression and treatment: https://prostatecancer.net/living/recognizing-depression-treatment and https://prostatecancer.net/living-coping/depression-anxiety. Please know that people here understand and feel free to keep us posted on how you are doing or just to reach out. This community is here for you. Best, Richard (ProstateCancer.net Team)

    2. I have no words to tell you how big time I understand you. You are right - nobody but nobody tells about the potential side effects and my husband experiences all of them or close to that. He is not active like you or Mr. Richard. You are admirable. And you will come out of that black and empty room....Just keep moving, don't look back. Promise yourself you will be calling for help when the thoughts are about ending. Ask your psychiatrist ( not psychologist) for antidepressant combination that works. You do not need to suffer. It is 21st century not middle ages. You are not loosing anything by being on antidepressants. Chin up!

  2. thank you so much for checking up on me. I can honestly say I'm fighting this with every fiber of my being. I can't and won't let it take me. The thoughts are there but I try not to listen to them. I beat it once and I lived 10 years without depression, I can do it again. I laugh so that I don't cry and when I do cry I pray. Just writing this hurts but I know it's a process and I'm willing to do the hard work to make it thru. I read your articles and yup that's me in a nut shell. I'll keep you posted as long as I can. Grateful and sincerely, J

    1. Please do keep in touch here - we are all in this club and need to keep in touch and share experiences - somehow it just helps knowing you are not alone ... Dennis (ProstateCancer.net TEAM)



      1. Hi everybody 😊 I'm still alive. So much has happened and I'll try my best to be brief. I was diagnosed with PC last year in September and had a Foley catheter for 9 months. On May 5th 2023, I had a TURP procedure and suffered with blood clots and a recath for a couple of days. I spent 3 days in hospital and am now 3 weeks post-op today.
        I'm peeing every 40 minutes ending with a excruciating spasm right in my no no square. Blood clots are now almost all gone as are my erections πŸ˜‚. I spoke to my urologist and he says everything should start going back to normal at about the 6 week mark, I call cap 🧒 but anyways. Here's hoping he's right God willing.
        I'm still depressed but no longer feel the need to off myself daily but as luck would have it, I'm due for my next lupron shot next month. Also next month I have my first counseling session which I'm very much looking forward to, suicidal depression is not it.
        Next on the agenda is radiation which I have been waiting 3 weeks to get scheduled and no one will return my call. Oh well there must be someone more important dying. So on to the good part. IMHO, because I was left without any treatment for 9 months, my cancer has now spread to the surrounding areas, lymph nodes and bones. Scan results say "innumerable" lesions. Yippee! I have an appointment with my oncologist to confirm but I already know what she's going to say, "Yo ass is dyin bruh". Research says I'll have maybe 5 years. Having cancer is totally not the vibe but I already knew I was going to die, either from suicide or cancer. Guess cancer won.
        This site really needs a chat room, would've loved to talk to someone when I was in the thick of it.
        Tata 4 now. πŸ˜‹
        P. S. I'm never brief, πŸ˜‚

        1. Well the PSMA PET scan showed a small spot on my hip bone - so I start Lupron soon - not what i had hoped for Dennis(ProstateCancer.net TEAM)

        2. that's exactly how it started with me, one spot on my hip, then another on my rib, now they say innumerable spots. Here's hoping you have much better luck.


          Dr. Said my cancer doesn't respond to lupron. My psa is at 8.6 and my testosterone is at a 5 but my cancer is growing and spreading so fast. Good luck to us all. Tots and pairs. β™₯

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