Quality of life
So how do you decide which takes precedence…..your own quality of life or the quality of life of your caretaker and family? I’m not dying ( yet) but I do know every decision I make from here on out has future implications. I have stage IV p c with bone mets. Just went to my regular oncologist appt and , after a 6 month recess, the psa and testosterone are inching up. Dr wanted to start Lupron and Xtandi right away. It worked before and probably will work again, but the side effects are just draining. I told the Dr. no , not until I know if and where cancer is located. I have about 4 weeks before the scans to answer that question.
The treatments have long term eventual effects on the heart, diabetes, and of course weight gain, hot flashes, and fatigue.
After four years of unbelievable support ( and no sex) how can I ask my wife to take care of me and put her life on hold indefinitely ? Retirement was to be for traveling, new adventures, time with friends & family, etc. not unending Dr appts, labs, scans, shots, ……
Anyway, as you guys know, some days are all sunshine and some cloudy….today is a cloudy one for me with time to think.
This forum is really a great place to share among men. Thanks
Hi. I hope today's sunny for you. I think you should live one moment at a time, and then your decisions will come easier. : )
Thanks…It actually is a sunny day. I think your advice is spot on!
You're welcome. And thank you.
I hope you continue to be happy.
In the closing of your comments you mention that you don't want to ask your wife to put her life on hold and that retirement is meant for adventure, fun, travel. As the wife of a stage 4 prostate cancer patient, I want to say that I don't feel my life has been on hold helping my husband manage his illness and treatment. Yes, we were unable to do many things because of his surgeries, treatments, and side effects, but since we were handed his prostate cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't want to be anywhere but by his side doing whatever I can to help him live his best life possible. I'm guessing your wife feels that same. My suggestion would be to share your thoughts with your wife. I'm guessing she wants to be by your side no matter what, whether it be in travel, adventure and fun, or in supporting you through your cancer journey. That's what marriage and partnership are all about. Best wishes to you and your family as your move forward with whatever life may hold for you. Thanks so much for your thoughts. Your husband is a lucky man. Yes, my wife and I have had many conversations. She is like you, would choose being with me at all times. She and my family are super supportive. I guess what I was trying to get at is to hear from men who have stopped treatment for a better quality of life, although possibly shorter life. Does that make sense? Is there anyone who has made that decision?
Thanks again Sue and rest assured my wife is very involved in my care- couldn’t survive without her.
Having undergone treatment 3 x for PCa my approach is ... Be comfortable making whatever decision you are comfortable with - In my opinion there are no right or wrong answers. I was diagnosed with a Gleason 9 and had surgery in 2013 ... It came back in 2018 and I underwent 40 treatments of radiation and ADT. It showed up again in a small spot on my hip bone in 2023 and i underwent 5 treatments of stereotactic radiosurgery ( highly targeted type of radiation to kill it vs taking Lupron again) - so far I am still here and hopefully it is under control for a while.
I was uncomfortable with my local MD who just wanted to put me on ADT vs treating the disease. I said no thanks (for quality of life issues) I both changed MD's and treatment centers and went to a major Cancer center vs a regional hospital that said NO to Lupron as well .
Hope that offers some insight. I had 2 buds who decided not to treat - their choice not mine What was right for them was not for me. I am still here . I moved to a new state to be closer to family and built a new home and am enjoying life with a new girl friend after my wife passed in 2022 ... My advice ... Do what you feel is right for you and dont look back ..... Dennis(ProstateCancer.net TEAM)I'm sorry I misunderstood the point you were making. I'm glad your wife is very involved in your care and you have support from her as well as the rest of your family. Best wishes to you and your family.
