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Thinking of doing nothing

Am 62 and just found out that I have three cancerous prostate growths. Doctor wants me to look at prostatectomy or radiation. Thing is I’m not sure if I want to do anything.

A good friend had a prostatectomy six months ago. His partner of two years left him two months later. He still wears diapers after four months, says he has no sexual interest and never leaves his house anymore. He’s bitter and angry.

I think if I were to go for treatment my situation will be worse. I moved to a new state a few months ago and have made no friends just a few casual acquaintances. My sex life consists of one night stands from the apps (my partner of 25 years died two years ago). Can’t imagine anyone is going to want a guy in diapers who can’t get an erection. And it’s going to be impossible to care for myself and make friends locally.

Have had radiation suggested but what I read seems to indicate the side effects are the same they just take longer to show up.

Doctor says survival with no treatment could still be 5-10 years. Am totally asymptomatic right now. Is it rational to just decide to take five good years? I fear my judgment may be clouded by my dad who was miserably sick with kidney disease for 10 long years and my mom who suffered three long years after breaking her hip and being unable to tolerate the pain of PT.

  1. Hi my heart goes out to you. You have been through so much. I can hear how moving to a new state and trying to get a fresh start is challenging enough, now adding in this diagnosis. I am so sorry to hear about your partner, that must have been devastating. Making a treatment decision is overwhelming and watching your parents suffer for so long, must make all of this so much harder. I hope our community members respond here with their personal experiences, but in the meantime, I would say to research all your options, seek out another opinion if you like and get all the information that you can. We are here to help by supporting you and providing you with the information you need. Jill, team

    1. Thank you Jill. I am trying to see if there is an in-person support group but everything seems to be virtual these days. Fortunately, I am near New York City so may reach out to Memorial Sloane Kettering as I've heard fantastic things about them.

      1. I think that is a great idea. Memorial Sloane Kettering is an amazing hospital. I would also reach out to your oncologist and ask if they know of an in person support group in your area. Jill, team

    2. Have you looked at Proton therapy? I was diagnosed at 64 and this treatment has minor side effects. My PSa post treatment is below 1. Easy to do.

      1. I can imagine part of your situation, and what to share my experience about being wanted by a woman. Four years after a prostatectomy, I still have no erections and orgasms are painful. But a woman friend and I fell in love (we’re both 75) ...she’d given up on sex because of vaginal dryness and pain. It’s felt miraculous to discover a whole new sexual life together we never thought existed. So don’t give up on sex quite yet. Somebody wants you.

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