A Fireside Chat Among Men

By Diane Talbert

2 min read

I had a cookout at my home, and the conversation came up about prostate cancer. My father was there, who has dealt with prostate cancer. I learned so much just listening to my family and friends talk about their fears of getting checked.

Why worry about prostate cancer?

Most of them talked about just not wanting to know; why worry about something if it’s not affecting you? Plus, not many in their family had had it. I wanted to chime in and say, it's still possible for you to get it. There are family members that don't share their medical history with everyone.

The topic came up about leakage and diagnosis. As for leakage, I think it can be good to speak to your doctor about this. Of course, you might be scared, which is normal. But many men have prostate cancer or side effects and are still able to live good lives.

Some people in life will say they are just too busy to get checked, but are you too busy to keep living? Most of us have family, friends, and a job. Go get checked; it could even become a yearly family thing. I would be the first one to say that I’m not a fan of doctors, having seen them for many years. The one thing I do know is that they can save a life. Find a doctor that you mesh with and who gets you.

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Who might be at risk

Someone at the cookout spoke about their wife and kids, who can’t live without them. If you’re scared, share that with them and start educating the people in your circle. What might your family do without you?

I think that with any illness we just don’t want people to know what is going on. Especially the words that "you have cancer." Just remember that catching it early can be key.

One thing that caught my ears in this conversation was genetic testing. I had never thought about this, but it seems to be a great idea since my kids’ grandfather has prostate cancer.

Something we do know is that you are at risk of prostate cancer if you are a man. Sadly, Black men are more at risk, and if you have a close relative that got it, you could be more at a risk.

A very common cancer

I did add my two cents to this conversation and let them know the importance of early detection. It can be important to get checked and know the numbers, particularly with PSA levels. My father gets his PSA test and an annual checkup every year. He was diagnosed at age 72 and is now 90 and going strong.

One question that was asked of me at the cookout is why the awareness level for prostate cancer feels so low. I really didn’t have an answer for that. But I do want to leave this bit of information with you: prostate cancer is one of the most common cancers for men and among the leading causes of cancer death for men.¹

Remember you are not alone.

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Grover Member
Why is it people feel the need To Say You Not Alone!!, i dont see Big Parades for Prostrate cancer, I dont see talk groups every where for men to go to, yes plenty of on line garbage, but Most of us Get Prostrate Cancer in our Mid 60ties , Many Of us are Alone, Its very annoying to here you Not Alone, Thats just Bullshit. Iv been alone for 2 1/2 yrs, The talk groups that were around faded away with covid lock dn. At least that is what i was told. Well there even still , unless your in a big city, Little to nowhere for PC people to meet or talk about it, to top that , alot of men dont want to talk about having anal leakage or other side effect, nor do they want to admit they might have chose the wrong treatment, They dont want to talk about the effect of hormone treatment and feeling less Manly, or admit they cant get a hard on. So YES MANY OF US ARE ALONE , WHY DOESNT MATTER! , WHAT MATTERS IS HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO HERE THIS GARBAGE ALL THE TIME YOUR NOT ALONE. MANY ARE , AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS THE SIDE EFFECTS, SO THAT TO MAKES YOU ALONE , Especially IF YOU DONT HAVE A GROUP ANY WHERE NEAR YOU, SO Please STOP WITH THAT Nonsense YOU NOT Alone. BECAUSE MANY ARE!! AND TO US THAT ARE ITS ANNOYING !! 
1. Johnny R Member
 not sure what area your from , sorry for what your going through. There is a great support group in Scranton Pa. There is no subject that is not talked about, also we have a guest speacker every month on all type of subjects about prostate cancer. If you live close it maybe worth you looking into. Wishing you the best.
Grover Member
To all Posting.
Diane Talbert Moderator & Contributor
Hello <inline-mention username="Grover" user-id="8657216"/> , I just wanted to chime in. But I want to speak from my journey, not as a man who has prostate cancer. I am a woman, so I don't. I got my first chronic illness at 5 years old in 1963. I don't want to write a book, but fast forward 15 to 20 years. I felt I was all alone in this world. There were times as a teenager that I didn't want to live. It was when I found people like me that I felt like I had a community of people who understood. I felt I had people to communicate with and I didn't feel alone. My father got prostate cancer and throat cancer at the same time. I was the person who was there for him, but I didn't understand what he was going through. I started looking for men who had prostate cancer. I didn't even know how to talk to my father about his illness. I was so happy when I found there were support groups out there; most of the time I would be the only woman there and felt lost. But my father didn't. He interacted with these people and I could see life coming back to him. Sorry if you feel that line is not appropriate, but that is how I feel. You are right, a lot of support groups did shut down during COVID-19. I started one in my neighborhood a few months ago. It's small, but we are all together and not alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Diane (Team Member)
Grover Member
Hi i wish you all the best , and im happy That you are starting a group or have one, and are willing to help people, im sure you are a blessing, But it does not change the fact that many of us are alone, i myself do not think that because someone says your not alone changes the fact that you are alone, or helps , or even comforts anyone, there are not many support group for prostrate cancer except on line, Many of us dont even have internet, much less are great with computers , some of us due to meds or age arent even able operate a computer, so once again i say People dont need to end all these statements with remember you not alone. My Brother spent many yrs , after 3 tours in vietnam alone, had a nervous break dn, the meds he was on even tho he could function fine ,caused him to use two hands to drink a cup of coffee, because he shook so bad ,and then later 35 yrs later died of cancer. We have all seen pain and suffering, which just reinforces to me that saying you not alone doesnt fit a lot of people. And i believe only gives false hope to many, if they are in a situation where they are alone , Thank You for your response , Thank You For Caring, We do Need Alot More People like you to help solve this problem. Maybe one day I will be able to agree with you God bless and Merry Christmas. 
1. Diane Talbert Moderator & Contributor
 Hello <inline-mention username="Grover" user-id="8657216"/> , Thank you for responding and I do understand what you are saying. I am so sorry to hear about your brother. You have a Merry Christmas too. Diane (Team Member)
Grover Member
Alone
Grover Member
God Bless and Thank you Diane, For Christmas lets Forget our Troubles, and remember the reason for the Season, Jesus! Im very sure he is smiling at you for the help you offer us, You a good person, thank you from all of us. 
1. Johnny R Member
 Merry Christmas and God Bless you in your journey. I hope on Jan 12 you get some good news.
bvjarvis1 Member
I was first made aware of PSA tests in the mid-1990s (when I heard about Supreme Court Justice Stevens’ prostate cancer diagnosis), and committed to start getting tested when I turned 45y (in 2000) and had them done annually since then. Year-after-year I watched my PSA slowly rise —> 1.30 ng/mL, 1.64, 1.79, 1.87, 2.10, 2.60, 2.70, 3.40, 4.00 & 4.20. I asked my primary care physician for a referral to a urologist; it wasn’t a real shocker that my very first biopsy (at 56y in Feb 2012) came back as low-grade, localized prostate cancer. So, I chose active surveillance. While on active surveillance, my urologist (a surgeon) provided me referrals to specialists in focal therapy, internal radiation, and external radiation, so that I could interview them, thoroughly evaluate options, and have an active say in my treatment decisions. Ultimately, after almost 9 years on active surveillance, I chose proton beam radiation for active treatment (which I had at 65y during April-May 2021). I don’t recall that far back as to whether my PCP showed interest. But, at each step of my journey, my self-advocacy requests were honored and everything has turned out well. That’s what matters. (On the other hand, my three brothers - two older and one younger - tell me that they have never had a PSA test. It’s an individual choice, as are other medical tests - some men choose to get tested; most men don’t.)
1. bvjarvis1 Member
 I did modify my diet, but it was to be more heart-healthy, and not directly related to my prostate cancer treatment. (They say that a heart-healthy diet is a prostate-healthy diet.) I decreased red meats, increased fish, salads, added more fruits, vegetables, and grains/nuts, cut out soft drinks, cut back on processed foods, and made other tweaks here and there. But, I still enjoy life and I do have a donut, sweets, or a burger once-in-a-while. 
2. Diane Talbert Moderator & Contributor
 Hello <inline-mention username="bvjarvis1" user-id="3258166"/> , The eating part seems to be the downfall for a lot of people. To me, it's one of the hardest things to do in life. My father doesn't eat that much red meat anymore either. How did you kick the soft drink habit? My father and I both drink them every day and we know they are not good for us. Continue to enjoy life!! Diane (Team Member)
Chef Jeff Member
So right. I was diagnosed 5 1/2 years ago at 59. No real symptoms, no issues with a PSA of less than 6. However, that PSA was slightly higher with every test. An exam and then a biopsy confirmed Prostate Cancer (the 2nd most common cancer for men) and a Gleason score of 9 out of 10 (very aggressive). Many men don't think it will happen to them (1 out of 😎 and I believe many men don't see a doctor regularly and talk about men's health issues. Early detection is key and having a good team of doctors also helps.
1. Diane Talbert Moderator & Contributor
 Hello <inline-mention username="CommunityMemberb8803e" user-id="6723846"/> , Thank you for sharing this. I wish you could speak to members of my family. You are right, they just don't think it will happen to them. Is there any "line" that you used to get men's attention? Diane (Team Member)
CommunityMember614764 Member
Doctors only fully treat patients who have private insurance carriers
Diane Talbert Moderator & Contributor
Hello <inline-mention username="CommunityMember614764" user-id="6890734"/> , that is true in a lot of cases. I just recently retired and have Medicare. I worked for 40 years, and never thought I would ever have a problem paying for medication. To say I'm not happy is an understatement. That is another whole story. Thank you for sharing. Are you having any problems with getting treatments? Diane (Team Member)