Sharing My Prostate Cancer History With a New Partner

Stepping back into the dating pool after 50 years of marriage while being a post-op prostate cancer survivor was, to say the least, a bit overwhelming. Not only was I uncomfortable with the whole dating scene; I also could not stop thinking about my cancer history and what the unknown future might hold when it came to potential performance issues in the bedroom.

Unsure what reaction I would get

I met a particular woman for the first time in a local coffee spot. As we chatted and discovered more about each other, we learned that our partners had passed just two months apart in 2022. We both faced serious illnesses, including cancer. Her deceased spouse battled several cancers. My wife after 56 years of marriage passed suddenly and unexpectedly one morning after enduring years of multiple medical challenges.

Deep down I was not sure how this woman or any woman for that matter would handle the fact that I had undergone a prostatectomy, complete with all the many sexual challenges such surgery brings into play. Determining that honesty was the best policy, I decided to run into a storm versus running away from the truth. At one point I tactfully mentioned my medical history and asked if that was a concern.

A surprising response

Much to my surprise, she was not concerned but rather mentioned her concerns about being accepted by a man, as she was an older widowed woman in her 70s.

The ice broke over our mutual concerns as we enjoyed a fit of laughter. Our conversation then continued but on a much deeper level. Once the sex thing was put aside, we learned more about what was important to us. Yes, intimacy was potentially on the horizon at some point, but because of our open conversation it was no longer the proverbial “elephant in the room.”

Dating after prostate cancer

I guess the first lesson for any couple is when dealing with prostate cancer, you must realize that life may be different after a diagnosis. You could find yourself on a program of active surveillance, or your future might include some type of treatment.

Just like my reentry into the world of dating, you may find yourself feeling very uncomfortable with your new status. You will have choices, such as choosing to be silent about your new status. Or you can escape onto the internet and engage in an endless search for answers and hold off on taking any action. Some men will decide on a treatment protocol, only to spend years regretting their earlier decision. I never looked back with any regrets on my decision; rather, I chose to live life to the fullest every day.

Direct and honest communication

I think the greatest gift a man can bring into a new or seasoned relationship following a prostate cancer diagnosis is to embrace the power of laughter and always remember to open a never-ending stream of direct and honest communication with those who are close to you.