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Does prostate cancer ever piss you off?

  • By MonacoBill

    Note — it’s my husband, obviously, who was diagnosed, but I spend all my time reading through everything and filtering it for him. It’s not that he’s stupid, not by any means. I worked in health care and around the terminology for 30+ years. The “doctor-speak” can be overwhelming
    I go back and forth between “we can beat this, no problem!” to “why didn’t they catch this sooner??” to “I’m going to kill the surgical oncologist we just consulted with because he was dismissive and rude and scared us even more”

    This is a recent diagnosis, I guess you could say. PSA below 5 in February 2018. PSA over 15 in mid-August. First visit with urologist on September 29. Large mass found upon rectal exam
    Biopsy October 19, diagnosis confirmed October 29.
    13 of 14 sections malignant. Gleason 4+3. PSA now at 20. Informed aggressive but slow moving.
    Bone scan and CT on November 5. Hasn’t spread anywhere else, not to lyphm nodes, no other organs, no spread to bones.
    Consult with radiology oncologist on November 8. Very reassuring, talked to us for about 90 minutes. Explained IMRT and briefly touched on hormone therapy (now I have a ton of questions about that). Because of colon resection in 2013 needs colonoscopy looking for any colitis, Chrons, IBD, IBS, ulcers, polyps. Very reassuring that 95% certain there isn’t anything but need to make sure.
    Still, I’m scared. I’m mad. Why didn’t they find this in February 2018? He had a digital rectal exam with the PSA blood test. And they didn’t find it? Aggressive? As the surgeon told us his prostate is just filled with cancer and has been there awhile. Huh??? What??? How is that possible?? Hence, why I want to kill the surgeon. Part of the reason.
    Yup, prostate cancer pisses me off (and I’m certain the pun was intended! LOL!)
    Today is one of those days I just want to cry

    • By ninaw Keymaster

      Dear @monacobill, you’ve got a lot to be “pissed off” about! It sounds like there are many mixed signals coming at you both – aggressive, but slow moving; a large mass, but initially undetectable. You’re not alone in this feeling, we often hear it from community members. It seems especially common for caregivers to feel this anger, because you have the perspective to see what’s happening from the outside.

      In looking through our caregiver resources, it sounds like you’re already doing much of what they discuss. This is one article: Even though today is painful, you are acknowledging the feelings and hopefully making them a little easier to cope with. Please check back when you can, and I’ll be sure to send other members here if they need to vent or discuss similar perspectives! – Nina, Team

  • By Will Jones Moderator

    Hi @monacobill, I empathize with your uncertainty, fear and frustration. I was diagnosed in March of 2017 (PSA 7.1, Gleason 3+3, cancer in 10 of 12 core samples), and after a year of active surveillance I chose to have surgery when my PSA went up to 8.3 and I was tiring of having cancer on my mind all the time. My family agreed with my decision. Unless I missed it in a previous post, I don’t see any reference to surgery as a treatment operation. Have your husband and you considered surgery? There are side effects, which I’m currently dealing with, but I’ve been cancer free since April, a big relief. Will Jones Moderator