Concerns for family member with stage 4
A relative of mine was diagnosed with stage 4, which spread to his pelvis and collar bone. He was about 55/56 and was experiencing issues urinating. He had taken a road trip 2-4 hours away and when he was leaving he was experiencing immense pain, and couldn’t urinate.
He went to the ER and soon after He got diagnosed and things didn’t seem terrible but he was out of work for 2 months and had to have a catheter in his bladder for that time frame, then it happened again.
Well he’s been back to work since (1 year has passed) and I just saw him today. He looks terrible. He used to weigh around 190-200 pounds and now looks like he’s somewhere in the mid 160’s or high 150’s in weight. His skin is this orange-yellow-pale complexion and has aged A LOT. He has had chemo and radiation several times, and he works 5 days a week, apparently sleeps 3-4 hours a day, and is always doing something, like yard work, building things, painting etc etc.
He will not see his parents. He does not come by. He avoids them and tells his wife little to nothing. She is really worried and he makes comments about not being around and he’ll be gone etc etc. he can’t bare the mention of death, or funerals, or anything.
Is this possibly a sign he’s far more worse than anyone knows? I’ve never had this happen to someone in my family but it worries me about their kids that are young. His wife is always upset about it because he’s very miserable but will absolutely not talk about anything.
Hi
. Your concerns, from what you describe, are certainly understandable and your relative is lucky to have you advocating on their behalf and seeking information.
While stage 4 is obviously very serious, treatments are better than ever. We have contributors and community members who have been stage 4 for a number of years. See for example this bio page for our contributor Tony, with a link to his articles discussing his treatment and overall journey: https://prostatecancer.net/community-advocates/tony-collier.
Unfortunately, without knowing more about treatment history and current status, there is not much more for people to share on comparable personal experiences and options.
Depression associated with cancer treatment is certainly not rare and your relative may be dealing with these issues (we are not medical professionals and can't provide diagnostics). I want to share with you this article from our editorial team on dealing with depression and anxiety: https://prostatecancer.net/living-coping/depression-anxiety. In addition, our contributor Duane wrote about his experience here: https://prostatecancer.net/living/depression-support-community.
I don't know how to make your relative open up about their situation, but you may also be able to provide support to his wife and family that could be of great value. Hopefully others will chime in with their thoughts and experience. Wishing you and your family member the best and please don't hesitate to ask additional questions - this community is here for you and them. Best, Richard (Team Member)
