How do I talk about intimacy with my partner or spouse?
While some couples already openly discuss sex & intimacy, others may be starting the conversation for the first time. How do you bring up intimacy issues after prostate cancer? What challenges or successes have you had?
Our support group's social worker suggested I ask my wife what she thought about dealing with cancer. This opened up the conversation.
I am on lupron (AKA ADT, AKA chemical castration, AKA hormone treatment). Castrate sex is intentional, not automatic and the need for foreplay is probably a Godsend to women. I have been fully functional the full time, we just needed to learn how castrate sex works.
Guy, I'm on the same protocol. Honesty and love is all you need to make a relationship work.
I received a reply that is not showing here that ProstateCancerCoach felt nothing below while on lupron.
True. I don't feel a thing until aroused, so the foreplay. Once aroused she has my attention. If I weren't dead set on continuing sexual function I could easily pass on "exercise" for lack of interest.
Castrate sex is very interesting.
It appears that some number of men on lupron may be sexually functional if positive expectations are set at the beginning.
I wrote this article about our experiences of sex/intimacy whilst on ADT AND Abiraterone. I'm not sure that having higher expectations would have made a lot of difference to me. It was sad watching erections fade away over 5 months. Now, thanks to chemical intervention, there is at least an inkling of an erection that generally can lead to orgasm and I'm blessed that we still have intimacy https://prostatecancer.net/living/testosterone
I am new on here had my prostate removed because I caught it at the last minute my psa was 21 and prostate was completely full by the grave of god it did not spread...I was married and after removal I did not want to be touched for 6months and did not show any affection to my wife witch come to find out you will learn a girls true colors when you all of a sudden go from showing her all she wants everyday to nothing...After a year and a half im finally wanting to have sexual intamacy witch is still a struggle and luckly i have a girl that ive known forever that is understanding and will work with me because its a struggle to keep an erection...I was 3 months from being able to get testosteron and my psa level went up a little witch they have been monorting every 3 months and has steadily went up from 0 to .4 witch means some of the micro cells got away witch I was told there is a chance of that they are not formed to cancer but could someday so now I have to do spot radiation for 8 weeks and the 2yrs starts all over without testosteron anything but will be done with it completely and live a long good life cancer free so its worth it....My question is there some way I can still get an erection and keep it without testosteron anything...Any feedback on it would be great...Thank you and god bless!!
here is an article that I hope is helpful for you: https://prostatecancer.net/living/erectile-dysfunction-now-what. Jill (Team Member)When I was on ADT (no testosterone) I found that laser focus on something erotic and physical stimulation did the trick for me. I found that once I began producing an erection I became aroused.
Since the arousal without testosterone is all in the mind, I learned that the slightest distraction caused the arousal and erection to disappear *POOF*. For a non castrate man that would be disaster during intimacy, but my wife and I understood so we just got a laugh and went back to more foreplay to start all over again.
Makes for looong sessions of bonding and intimacy.
Guy B. Meredith, moderator and cancer survivor.
