Men’s Health Month: Talking About Sex and Intimacy

2 min read

Sexual health is a topic that can sometimes be overlooked or hard to talk about. For Men’s Health Month, we are dedicating time to highlight the changes that may result from prostate cancer treatment.

We asked the community how prostate cancer has impacted their sex lives and relationships. Respondents, including both survivors and caregivers, anonymously reported how they are coping.

New romantic partners

No matter if you are in a long-term relationship or dating, talking about prostate cancer and the sexual side effects can be a challenge. It may never feel like the right time, and that right time can differ from person to person.

53% of respondents recommended bringing up their PCa after talking with a new romantic partner a few times.

Of the survey respondents, 25% said they recommend mentioning prostate cancer to a new partner early on. Sixteen percent said it’s good to wait closer to a month or 2 months. Four percent recommended waiting as long as possible.

Patients talking about it

Some who have faced prostate cancer reported feeling like a burden to their partners, while others said their relationships had changed for the better. Whether you are comfortable talking about sexual changes or not, it can still feel overwhelming to open up.

71% of respondents felt comfortable talking about physical changes after diagnosis of PCa, 23% did not.

Forum on all things ED

Caregiver partners talking about it

The side effects of prostate cancer treatment don’t just affect the person diagnosed; they can affect spouses and partners, too. When you see your partner struggling with their libido or dysfunction, it can make conversations about sexual needs and desires even more difficult. But talking about it can help open the door to new possibilities for both of you.

58% of caregiver respondents said they were open to talking about their sexual needs.

Learning new tricks

Finding new ways to be intimate may be intimidating. But having open communication about needs, desires, and being open to trying new things, including sex toys, can help revive intimacy between couples. One respondent shared their intimacy advice: “Foreplay is a very important part of sex, especially after surgery. Take your cancer problems out of your head, relax, and love your partner.”

61% of respondents said they were more open to trying new things when it came to sex and intimacy post-PCa diagnosis.

If you have suffered sexual side effects related to prostate cancer or treatment, you are not alone. And it is not just relevant during Men’s Health Month; maintaining sexual health can be as important as managing your physical and mental health. Some people are comfortable talking about these issues, while others are not. What works best will vary from person to person.

If you are comfortable, tell us in the comments below: How have you found ways to deal with sexual health issues related to prostate cancer?

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

Will Jones Moderator
Surgery resulted in erectile dysfunction for me, but not a reduction in libido, although that comes naturally with age. In the three years since my surgery, my wife and I have found new ways, but also continued old ways, to maintain a satisfying intimate life. It's helpful to note that it is still possible for a man to have an orgasm even without achieving a full erection. Most important for us is emphasizing the importance of close physical contact, of sharing our affection in that way. Once that starts, anything is possible.
Dennis E. Golden Moderator & Contributor
I was ok after surgery when it came to erections. My urologist prescribed a low dose of viagra that was to be taken every day for several months. These days the recommendation is for a full year and the use of a penis pump to keep blood flow going
danny115 Member
 My RP surgery left me sexually dead and this has damaged my marriage pretty severely. No erections, no ejaculation no orgasms. I tried everything- Viagra, penile injections (which put me in the emergency ward) and various pumps. The only thing I didn't try was penile implants which I would get except the surgery is super expensive and is not covered by insurance. The thing that has made it all the harder was my surgeon said I would regain my ability to have an erection and orgasm after a few months of healing. Now, after almost four years he has been proven totally wrong which made my wife and I extremely angry and wondering if we shouldn't have gotten a second opinion to see if this butchering surgery was really necessary. 
1. SamuelTaylor Community Admin
 Thank you for sharing with us, <inline-mention username="danny115" user-id="3257355"/>. That is very frustrating, unfortunately, the best-case scenario, as communicated by your doctor, was not the outcome of recovery. Do you and your wife share other forms of intimacy through this healing process? We wish you the best, I know others in this community have gone through similar experiences, hopefully, there are more avenues to be uncovered. -Samuel, Team Member.
danny115 Member
No after one disastrous attempt at sex the marriage has been sexless since the surgery four years ago. Without the ability to get an erection by any means or have orgasms sex is actually pretty awful for both of us, We tried sex therapy but it was useless and a total waste of money.