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Selfless Sex – Using Toys

If you remember from my introduction to Selfless Sex article, I mentioned that you may have to change things up in the bedroom and be open to trying something new after prostate cancer. For many men, the idea of bringing any type of “marital aids” (sex toys) into their sexuality is a no-go zone. All I can do is put it out there and let you make the decision.

Just remember, the main idea of Selfless Sex is to give your partner more pleasure than you receive, and using sex toys can help with that. Let's go.

Erectile dysfunction after prostate cancer

I also grew up in this American society, and I learned how important the penis is to sex. Unfortunately, this society also related penile sex to manhood, masculinity, and sexual conquests. So, when erectile dysfunction (ED) was not an issue, everything was all well and good. But now, after fighting prostate cancer through various treatments, ED may be a negative factor in your life.

While coming to grips with the impact of ED on your sex life, it would be easy to give up. But I am thinking, you’re fighting cancer, you’re fighting to live, so why not fight to be sexual? It just makes sense, right?

You will have to be open to try new things regardless of how you did things in the past. Personally, I love sex toys. They have completely changed my sex life. There are so many different types.

Types of sex toys

I already know that I am going to get pushback on this, but bringing sex toys into the bedroom can increase your partner's pleasure and lead to a more satisfying sexual experience. You really have to pay attention, follow your partner's lead, and pay attention to their responses.

Here I am only going to mention a few types of toys: dildos, wand massagers, and anal toys.


Most dildos are made from rubber or silicone. These toys can be used for vaginal, oral, or anal penetration (as long as there is a flared/wide base). With these toys, I recommend using a water-based lubrication. They clean up with soap and water, and be sure to let them air dry.

I do not want you to think the dildo is a replacement for you. Your partner is there with you, and you are making them feel good with a sex toy.

Wand massagers

These are known to be the most powerful and pleasurable toys on the planet. Basically, they are muscle relaxers that are also masterful at giving sexual pleasure. Wand massagers should be used for external stimulation only.

Wand massagers are nice for stimulation and are known to bring sexual pleasure and orgasms to women. Be sure to follow her lead – many women prefer a low speed with the wands. The higher speeds may be too intense.

Wand massagers may be too powerful for direct clitoral stimulation. They may cause pain, so you have to listen and pay attention. One quick remedy for that issue is to place a cloth towel in between the wand and your partner's skin.

Many massagers require an electrical outlet to work, with the cordless model being more expensive.

Anal toys

No, you did not read that wrong. I said anal toys. Let me explain. The anus is a very sensitive area full of nerve endings. Anal play, if done slowly and carefully, can be extremely pleasurable.

Anal play should not hurt. If you feel any pain during the activity, stop immediately. This means you are doing something wrong.

Please keep in mind that the anus does not lubricate naturally. I think it's good to use a water-based lube and avoid petroleum-based lubes like oil or Vaseline.

I suggest using butt plugs with a flared/wide base. Using a toy without a wide base can lead to a big problem. The toy can end up in the lower intestine, which will mean a trip to the emergency room to get it out.

Find what works best for you and your partner

In closing, I understand that sex toys are not for everyone. You will have to find one or a few that work for you and your partner. That means a quick trip to the store, or you can make your purchase online.

Do not spend too much money, either. I suggest starting small and moving upward from there. Ask your partner if they would be willing to try sex toys. Just remember, Selfless Sex is for your partner’s pleasure.

Check out the other articles from the Selfless Sex Series:

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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