Self-Pleasure and Masturbation

For the past several months, I’ve been writing about Selfless Sex, where you focus on the pleasure of your partner. So now, let’s turn around and talk about your pleasure. I was talking to a moderator at, where they suggested I write about self-pleasure and masturbation. Such a great idea! For those men who are dealing with a level of erectile dysfunction, masturbation could be a great way to get your motor running again. Actually, there are many other benefits to masturbation that I didn't even think about that actually may aid in the healing process and help you to return to being sexually active again. I hope the information presented here helps.

Practice in private

After having surgery, you may wonder if “it” works and how will your penis respond to touch and being stimulated. Of course, give yourself plenty of time to heal properly before starting and if there’s any sort of pain, you’ll have to stop. With that said, try to pleasure yourself and see how you respond. What’s your erection like? Is it a full erection? How does it feel? Were you able to orgasm?

I recommend starting alone with lube. Try to find a time where you will not be disturbed and no one will walk in on you. Plus, no one is watching you so there is no additional pressure.

Incorporate kegels into your exercise routine

Try to do kegel exercises before you start your treatment or have your surgery. Having a strong pelvic floor won’t interfere with the surgery and in reality, it may help with the healing process and assist with bladder incontinence1. Additionally, having a strong pelvic floor aids in having stronger orgasms.

Add your partner when ready

When you think you’re ready, involve your partner in sex play. It doesn't have to be full-on intercourse and swinging from the chandelier...not even close. Start slow. I’m talking about caresses, massages, and maybe oral sex. Your partner may be excited to be with you again in an intimate way so, enjoy yourself. Two quick suggestions:

  1. Mutual Masturbation -- You can explore each other again and masturbate each other. You’ll probably have to guide your partner so they won’t hurt you by being too aggressive or too rough. They may treat you with some caution so they won’t hurt you but don't hesitate to express yourself and how you're feeling; you may have to talk them through it. Plus, you’re also pleasuring them as well. It's meant to be a good fun time for all.
  2. Oral Sex -- Once again, your partner may want to perform oral sex on you, which is fine. Once again, you may have to talk them through it so there is no pain for you. They probably will take care not to hurt you on their own.

Have sex

When you think you’re ready, you can progress to intercourse again. At the same time, for some men, self-pleasuring and mutual masturbation is enough. Proceed at your own place. Also, not every man is with a partner. I think sexual pleasure is important so, even if you are single, you still deserve sexual release and pleasure.

Check in first

I always recommend talking to your doctor before being sexual again, even if it's a solo session. Depending on the treatment or surgery, the body needs time to correctly heal and by being sexual too early, you may end up hurting yourself or something worse. Be sure to talk to your doctor first. Once you get the green light from them, enjoy yourself. Thank you for reading.

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