Selfless Sex – Your Partner's Pleasure
So far, we’ve scratched the surface on Selfless Sex by discussing how much pleasure the body can actually achieve. Just remember, Selfless Sex is about focusing on your partner so, in this article, I’d like to really get into that. Just to be safe, let's define Selfless Sex as being “more concerned with the sexual needs and sexual desires of others than one's own.” That’s it in a nutshell.
They miss you
While many men who are being treated for and/or have defeated Prostate Cancer (PC) may feel like their sex lives are over, please remember your lover (wife, husband, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend) misses you. They miss your touch. They miss your intimacy. You may even think your lover no longer desires you. I beg to differ. If they were by your side while you are/were going through the treatments and surgeries, there is a deep level of intimacy there. While you may not believe it, they still desire you. Try something for me, ok? Just reach out and touch them. Hold their hand or initiate a random hug and watch their reaction.
Of course, I’m talking about pleasuring them sexually and it's also important to remember to pleasure them mentally and emotionally. You lover has those needs too. It could be something as simple as talking to them about something they really like or debating a social issue. Plus, it's nice to ask someone “How are you feeling?” and/or “I’m concerned about your feelings with everything that’s going on, are you ok?” Be prepared for an honest answer. With that said…
Pleasure them sexually too. Focus on their body. Ravage them, gently. While I, in good conscience cannot recommend swinging from the chandelier, kiss them all over. Massage their body. Nibble on their ears. Suck on his/her nipples. Explore. Help them orgasm and after, lie with them and tell them how you enjoyed their orgasm. Ask them if they want to cum again?
Odd for them
Here’s something you may not have thought about. It could be very odd for them to actually just lie back and receive pleasure. Initially, they may feel guilty and selfish for just being there, enjoying this pleasure, not expecting to reciprocate. I wouldn't be surprised at all if they were restless and kept trying to pleasure you. You’ll have to be the one to explain to them it's ok and “just relax and enjoy this...this is all about you.”
You’ll feel better too
Finally, here’s one more thing you may have forgotten about. You may really like it. The act of pleasuring your lover is great. There probably was a time when making your lover orgasm boosted your ego and self-esteem. In the back of your mind, because of the PC and treatments, you thought sex was over and you’d never be able to have sex again or sexually satisfy your lover again, right? Well, as a doctor, I’m recommending you give it a try. The act of giving to someone you’re intimate with is like chicken soup for your soul.
So, as I bring this article to a close, I have to say again being selfless to someone sexually is a complete change for many men. Further, it's even tougher for men to have sex where their penis is not involved. I can already hear a few guys saying, “Well, if I’m not using my penis, it's not really sex, right?” Wrong...it still is sex, just different than you’re used to. Plus, I’d bet your lover will really like all of this new attention. They won’t be used to it either. It's an adjustment for everyone.
Sex has many benefits far beyond the physical. Reigniting passion and intimacy with your lover could be some of the best medicine on the planet and you don't even need a prescription either. Thank you.
Check out the other articles from the Selfless Sex Series:
Have you made personal connections through your journey with prostate cancer?