Selfless Sex – Oral Sex
Earlier in this series, I mentioned how some men may have to open up a bit and explore new things. Well, this is one area where some men really need to open up and add this to their repertoire. Oral sex is great for relationships and it actually has the ability to increase intimacy. Your sexuality may have changed due to prostate cancer and the surgery/treatments, where you’ll have to become less penis-focused. Selfless Sex can help with that and oral sex is a major part of being selfless with your partner.
After what you’ve been through and may still be going through with prostate cancer (PC), think about the emotional, mental, and physical issues PC created for your relationship. Rebuilding sexual intimacy with your partner is important. Re-igniting the sexual flame is a good way to start and oral sex can help with that. But, why is oral sex so important?
A few times in the past, I’ve used “oral sex” as a metaphor for communication but, not this time. In an article by Gigi Engle, she says oral sex is about giving to your partner. She says, “When my partner goes down on me, it makes me feel close to him. It’s an act of love that shows me how much he cares about my pleasure.” Believe it or not, oral sex is a great way to build intimacy in your relationship. Your partner is in a vulnerable position and they trust you not to harm them and in reality, you’re giving them a lot of pleasure.
How do I do it?
Please excuse the heterosexual bias but, it’s my understanding that some men don't perform oral sex with female partners because they don't know how. I really can’t give a full on presentation about cunnilingus so, here are just a few tips to get you started:
- The clitoris (clit) is very important to sexual pleasure with over 8,000 nerve endings in the space of a pencil eraser. Use your entire tongue to lick it and your lips to suck on it. It’s really sensitive. If you're not sure where it is, your partner will tell you.
- Build up the intimacy. Don't just dive in. Take your time. Kiss her inner thigh and the areas around her vaginal opening. This area is sensitive too. She can even feel your breath and she may even like that too.
- When you make it to her clit, go slow. With your tongue, run circles around the clit then reverse direction. She may even like the ol’ ice cream technique. If your tongue gets tired, you can also suck on her clit. Be gentle and pay attention to her sounds and body language.
- Her vaginal opening should be right under your chin. Move away from the clitoris and slowly lick her inner lips (labia) and her vaginal opening. If she needs a break, you can focus on her genital area with your tongue and lips.
- Finally, you should have fun while you are doing this. It’s not a chore by any means. Be passionate about it but not too aggressive -- be sure to listen. Get into it. You can make sounds too. She may interpret that as you being really focused on her pleasure because you are.
Find what works best for you and your partner. Oral sex is one way to show that you really care about your partner and their pleasure. Remember PC has not ended your sex life, it just made it more passionate.
Have you made personal connections through your journey with prostate cancer?