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Who’s Making Love To Your Old Lady?

I hope the answer is you are. I have read so many stories where men feel they are less than a man after a prostate cancer diagnosis or having surgery because they can’t have sex. As a society, we are so over sex. Isn’t making love just having sex or is it?

We all want to share an intimate connection

I want to tell my side as a woman who enjoys making love and having sex. I have been with my husband for 25 years and having sex can be taken off the table as far as I’m concerned. We all should learn how to make love; to connect on an open level with your significant other. When my husband gazes in my eyes; I just melt. It’s not about him jumping my bones; we just want to share an intimate connection with each other.

We have had some of the best nights ever just talking, holding hands, laughing, dancing, and growing our love for each other with our clothes on. It’s not always about having an orgasm.

It’s time to rekindle the passion

We have all heard that knowledge is power. Talk to your doctor about the sexual side effects that you could have after prostate cancer treatment. This would be a good time to have your spouse in on these conversations. You both can discuss this now rather than later.

I know that the medications that are given are very strong and will affect your ability to perform along with those that have to have prostate cancer surgery. I can imagine that this can be very upsetting. Let’s be positive about your health and make love to your woman every day; don’t leave her hanging. She’s hurting just as much as you. Hold your woman, hug and kiss her; most women if you “pat” them on the butt will get weak at the knees. I know I still do at my age. Think back to when you first met and couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Keep that going; touching her cheek or just running your fingers through her hair will mean the world to her.

Find ways to be more loving to your partner

I would say be more loving to your partner and don’t shut them out. They are going through this with you and don’t want to be left behind. Sex might have to take a back seat for a minute, but don’t make her feel like this was all she was good for in the first place. She might think you didn’t find her attractive or needed her unless she was naked.

I know we are all different, but I’m a true believer that love can last forever. If you’re out of touch with your significant other; take baby steps at first. Take short walks around the block or give each other a message. I like sending my husband text messages that are flirtatious. I can still make him blush after all these years.

Don’t forget to talk with each other

Please, please, please. Don’t forget to talk. Silence means you have run out of words to say to each other. Don’t let that be you. There is so much to talk about, but make it count. Woman don’t want to hear idle chatter when she knows you are going through challenging times. We know what the weather was today, and we listen to the news. Let her know what you’re thinking about deep down inside and that you still want to dream with her. Don’t forget about good old pillow talk.

Let’s prioritize love

I got this line from a man – “Sex doesn’t have to be about having an erection”. Just remember there are plenty of ways to get your groove on. It’s about your partner having pleasure and you as well. There are times that you both might not be on the same page at first. This is new to both of you; so work on it. Your connection together doesn’t have to go downhill. For many couples, relationships can become stronger than ever after prostate cancer. Let it be yours.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The ProstateCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Doug Sparling moderator
    4 months ago

    I’d be interested if there’s anyone out there like me, as I’ve never heard anyone mention it. I’m on Lupron for life. I actually like and prefer my life with ED and no libido. So does my wife (she has health issues that have killed her libido). I’ve found love and intimacy in other ways. When my oncologist tried to get me to see my urologist about the ED (one of his specialties), I had to keep telling her I wasn’t interested. I’m 59, btw, diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 when I was 57. My wife and I certainly had a very healthy sex life over the past 20+ years. Maybe it’s how I deal with that part of my life now that it’s gone. I might ask my onco-psychologist next month. More power to all of you, as I’m the odd duck here.

  • Diane Talbert moderator author
    4 months ago

    Hello Doug Sparling,

    You are certainly not the odd duck here. Everyone is different and we all handle things in a different way. You need to do what is healthy for you and your wife and your right on point when you said it’s how we deal with things. Good luck on this journey. Thanks for commenting too.

    Take care,

    Diane, Prostate Cancer, Moderator

  • Doug Sparling moderator
    4 months ago

    Thank you Diane for your sensible answer. It all seems so obvious now!
    ==
    doug

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