Old Dog, New Tricks?
Prostate cancer treatments alone can have major implications for your sexual health, beyond ED and other physical issues. The mental and emotional impact of the immediate loss of sexual activity, the absence of sexual thoughts and changed notions of masculinity’ can combine to decrease the self-worth of a man.
Here’s my question--does it have to be like this? In a word--NO! Here are a few tips that may help enhance intimacy with your partner and may help you begin to feel more comfortable sexually as you experience changes. Let me explain.
Communicate with your partner(s)
Talking with your partner about your sexual concerns is extremely important. Look at it this way...if she/he has stayed by your side through your treatments, I’d dare to say they’d stay with you as you heal. Truth be told, they probably want to help but they don't know what to do.
So, I think it's a great idea to include them in your sex therapy sessions. I think it’s important for them to be on the same page and also understand how the treatments will affect his/her sexuality as well. Plus, while in therapy, I hope the man will feel safe enough to share his deepest concern in front of his lover. Laying everything on the table could be a good way for true healing to begin.
You may have to learn a new concept around sex and sexuality. What I mean is you may have to learn to be less penile-focused and learn to be more body focused. Personally, I think this society is doing a disservice to men by mainly focusing on penile pleasure and tying it to manhood, masculinity and self-esteem. There are plenty of sexual avenues to learn and explore that are not related to the penis. You and your partner can still be sexual and experience various types of pleasure and even orgasm.
So...watch this. I’m going to say expand your horizons a bit – you survived cancer and now, you’re healing, fighting to live, so let's expand your sexual repertoire. You may not be comfortable doing everything but try some new things. Give some good head and use your mouth on your partner. Buy and try out sex toys. Taste various parts of your partner’s body. Cuddle. Learn to give erotic massages. Kiss them from head to toe. 69? Lick them, taste them.
The point here is to also focus on intimacy, not just sex acts. Every day, notice something new about your partner. Shower together. Hold each other. Say I love you. Hold hands. What can you think of on your own?
Your spouse or partner may feel closer to you than ever and may be more sexually satisfied than ever. Also, by satisfying your partner sexuality, you could see a boost to your masculinity and self-esteem as a man, right? I’d think so and you won’t be using your penis to do it. I call this “Selfless Sex.”
As I bring this article to a close, I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this and I will expand on the sexual “Options” and “Selfless Sex” in future articles. Good day, and better "nights." - Dr. Nick.
Have you made personal connections through your journey with prostate cancer?